Break The Cycle Volume III – RECOVERY
Writing gave me an outlet that released me from the prison of my past and enabled me to make the journey from victim to victor. ~ Kathy Chaffin Gerstorff
Before I published the first Break the Cycle book I just wanted to write my “secrets” down to get them out of my head because keeping it inside ate away at my psyche like Pacman. Writing turned out to be very cathartic for me. It was like a dam of pent up emotions broke free as the words poured onto the page. I cursed and cried, but kept writing as I processed my feelings. Writing paved the way for me to forgive and move on from the past which up to that point was easily triggered in my memory and led to a tidal wave of emotion which often included irritability, uncontrollable crying, withdrawal or binge eating – sometimes all at once. It felt like I was on an emotional roller coaster that would last for a few hours to a couple weeks. Writing in my journal released the pressure valve and let off steam which gave me a way to control my emotions instead of my emotions controlling me.
After a few years of writing, I had enough poems and stories to fill a book. At first I didn’t dare think of publishing what I wrote. The last thing I wanted to do was to hurt my mother who was a victim of abuse too. But, somewhere along the way writing became bigger than me. I felt called and compelled to my core to share my poems and short stories with the world even though I knew only a few people would read them. If it helped even one person break free from mental torment and enabled them to get control of their life instead of continuing to be a victim, then that would mean my suffering was not in vain, a greater good could come of it. From that thought and hope, Break The Cycle Books was born.
I invited other child abuse survivors to share their stories too because I wanted them to feel the same freedom that writing gave me. I also wanted to give back to the people who helped me but I didn’t know how to do that. How do you repay the people who saved your life? No amount of money or thank yous can cover that. And they didn’t expected anything in return for helping me. The best way I could think to repay them was to pay it forward. So I decided to donate the books proceeds to organizations that help abused, neglected and at-risk kids.
Books sales have been slow, but sales are not the most important thing. It would be wonderful to help more organizations, but my main goal with publishing Break The Cycle books is to help child abuse survivors know they are not alone and that writing may help provide a release valve on the pain of their past so they too can make the journey from victim to victor.