Back Talk

writerkat.com (21)

It was beautiful outside today but inside my mind a storm was brewing. My nature is quiet and peaceful, but when too many negative things happen at once, something goes haywire in my brain and I feel like a volcano about to erupt. Usually, I can get control of it, but today wasn’t one of those days. It seems like once you let that one thought through that says I’m having a crappy day, the Universe conspires to confirm it by releasing a meteor shower of more crap.

I am a peacemaker and when my environment is chaotic without any sense of control, the lava flows. My calm demeanor turns to angst. My smile turns upside down and when mama’s not happy, ain’t nobody happy! My quiet, flower-child self turns into a drill sargeant barking complaints and commands to regain order in the household.

Am I the only one who can pick up after themselves or the dog who insists on relieving himself inside at random places (like my grandson’s original one-of-a-kind painting of Einstein) even when he is taken outside to potty multiple times a day and has a puppy pad? Am I the only one who can do laundry or cook? Am I the only one who can run errands? Am I the only one who can work to pay the bills? Am I an enabler who has bred a sense of entitlement by my passive personality? Those thoughts were clanging into each other in my head when my IP training kicked in…

BREATHE I tell myself. Take a deep breath and find something to be grateful for. It was pretty hard at first because my mind was on a roll confirming my “bad mood” by naming more reasons to justify my frustration.

What are you grateful for? My coaching self asks.

I just don’t feel the love today. Lord give me strength to deal with everything.

One thing. Find just one thing.

Fine. Whatever. I say to to my coach self like a rebellious teenager (that I am being reintroduced to since taking my nieces in to raise a few months ago). I’m grateful the sun is going down and it’s cooling off outside. I’m grateful this day is almost over!

The sun. Yes. It is cooling off outside. You are cooling down inside too. Feel it?

Thoughts become things,” I hear my mentor Mike Dooley say in that positive part of my mind conditioned by years of personal development.

Okay, yes I am a bit calmer, but you know what would really cool me down? A McDonald’s sweet tea and a Mocha frappe. I have a $1.55 in change and five McCafe points!

You realize that’s over 80 grams of sugar? My skinny self buried beneath layers of inflamed adipose tissue says.

Yeah, well I need something to put the fire out.

Try water. You know your moodiness could be caused by dehydration!

Water isn’t touching the flame today baby.

The happy-go-lucky side concedes this round. Sometimes, you have to pick your battles. Some days aren’t wrapped up with a sweet ending like a sitcom. Fortunately, a day is only 24 hours and HOPE for a brighter tomorrow is hard wired in my brain.

Write on.

WriterKat

 

 

 

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